The Siren’s Call

Her call tugs gently at first, like a seductive whisper in the night. The longer it goes unanswered, the stronger it becomes. I resist, for years it seems, as time drags on. Trudging down the path of life like a good soldier, doing my part to fit in and be a productive member of society. I was doing the right thing, being smart and reasonable. But the whispers in my ear are long gone, replaced by the screams of a pissed off banshie. Drowning out sanity and common sense, what little there may be left in this aged head. Her wanderlust demands to be satisfied! Now!

My wife tells me, half jokingly, that I may not listen to Jose V. Rojas, Dick Duerksen and Shane Claiborne speak. She fears I’ll come home, fired up to move to some long lost, devastated part of the world, ready for a grand adventure that is bigger than me. But what is wrong with that? Why not? It might be fun!

As a younger person, I worked in a lot of different places and saw many unique things. It only served to fuel the strong gypsy desires within me. After my freshman year, I had planned to take a year off from college. I was going to work for six months then travel the world. Two weeks before classes started, I changed my mind and headed back to college. That year I met a cute young lady and was deeply smitten! At the end of that year she broke my heart and the siren’s call was returning, stronger than ever!

Staying focused was so hard when there was no definitive goal. I was just going through the motions because that’s what you’re supposed to do. There were fun days, but many dark days. So confused, so lost, so distracted by the desire to hit the road. I told my buddy Lyle, that if he woke up to a good-bye note on his door, I had succumbed to the call, packed a bag, and headed to parts unknown on my motorcycle. Wind on my face, known roads behind, the terrifying excitement of the unknown ahead.

Prevailing wisdom won out, I slogged through for the most part. I spent four more years attending some of my classes, only to march as a summer graduate, three credits shy of my degree. There wasn’t much motivation to finish. What was the point anyway? Let’s get on with life! And so I did. Marriage, work, play, maybe kids some day. Most risk was limited to fast trips along winding roads. There were glimpses of roads less traveled, but commitments needed to be fulfilled. Clients still had to be satisfied, jobs had to be finished.

Our first child arrived and my wife stayed home to care for him. Cheap apartment rent and a good job, that seamed manageable! Through some unexpected circumstances, we became homeless. We were given 25 days to pack, find a new home and move, all while working and trying to manage life’s daily challenges. Thankfully, I had an incredible grandmother that allowed us to move in to her house for a short time. We purchased a travel trailer and found ourselves living on a job site in California, then returning home to live in a friend’s yard. I miss the trailer life! Not much stuff. Not much space. No significant maintenance. You have enough room for seven days of food and clothes. If you don’t do laundry and go grocery shopping once a week, you’re hungry and naked.

Finally, we bought a house. Another child graced us with his presence. My wife still stayed home with the little ones. We had the American Dream… or did we? I felt trapped, chained to the bank by my house. Trapped in the nightmare of the every day struggles to have the American Dream. I was lost, struggling and desperate. I needed adventure, I needed the open road, the unknown, but it was not to be.

I gambled, changed jobs, and went back to school. I sacrificed my time and fun. I set wild, crazy, age inappropriate goals! I reached for the brass ring, and I got it! Blood, sweat, and tears paid off. At long last I reached my goal. I did what others said I could not. I succeeded where others had not. The success tasted sweet.

Guess what? Slowly, sweetly, the siren’s call has once again begun to reach my ears. Wanderlust runs in my blood! Somehow I must figure out how to satiate this desire and balance life. I guess there is always another goal, another mountain, and always another unknown road!