Alice, the rabbit-hole and me

“…, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.”

My brothers told me I had not dealt with the past. I assured them that I had and that I was fine. They said my reactions and behavior told otherwise. They said I needed to process it and deal with it in order to release the torment in my mind. I weighed their comments and concerns daily. Unlike Alice, I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to go down the rabbit-hole facing me. I knew most definitely I did not want to! I was afraid of what I would find. I was afraid I might not find my way home!

Last year I attended a stress management seminar for first responders and learned a lot about myself and how I am wired. I remembered unhealthy behaviors from my past and recognized current ones. I knew there was a perfect storm brewing in my head. It scared me! I knew that I needed to jump quickly. I needed to get out in front of my challenges. I would rather be out front, fixing the train rails instead of following behind, trying to clean up the train wreck that my life could so easily become!

I knew I needed to find the right person to help. Someone who understood people wired like me. After several calls and various recommendations, I decided to call and talk with Tracy. She suggested that I come to her office to meet and talk about what I was struggling with and see if we were a good fit. She wanted ensure that she felt comfortable with me and my challenges as well as me being comfortable and confident that she could help.

Let me say this, it’s been a journey! Some fun, some uncomfortable, and some painful things have been dug up and examined. Advice has been given, some guilt has been dealt with, and improvements have been made. While the journey has not been smooth (I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be), it has been successful so far. This spring I told Tracy I appreciated her and was certain our last few months had been successful, if for no other reason than I hadn’t done anything really stupid this winter. The journey isn’t over, and I’m sure there will be more bumps along the way. I’m also sure it will all be worthwhile.

I think it’s important to make sure we take care of our mental health just like we would our physical health. “A check-up from the neck up” as Tracy puts it. Our entire being, mind and body, needs to be healthy.

Lately, I’ve read a few things and watched some interviews with those who struggle with mental health issues. I have a couple takeaways that seem pretty significant to me. Inside our heads can be a scary place, so when we help others with their battles, we get out of our heads. This is good because we are not only helping those around us, but are also helping ourselves in the process. One of best quotes I’ve read lately is, “In your darkest hour, when the demons come, call on me brother and we will fight them together.”

We also need to work hard to break the stigma attached to mental health issues. I had an A&P professor who pounded that into our heads over and over again. He was adamant that mental health issues should be treated no differently than any other health issue. He said we are just seeing the manifestation of some injury or imbalance, and that we should treat all of our patients with the same respect. Just because someone is fighting a battle we know nothing about, does not mean they don’t deserve to be treated with dignity and be helped.

As a child, I remember having rabbits and finding rabbit burrows. The mother lovingly pads her burrow with the fur she pulls from herself to create a warm, fuzzy, safe place for her newborn offspring. How ironic, this trip I’ve chosen. This journey down a rabbit-hole. It doesn’t feel so warm, fuzzy, and safe! Sometimes, in order to grow, you have to step outside your comfort zone!